Just wondering.
I think i must be crazy to think this way.
but, is it really better to have someone there?
by someone there, i mean like your other half.
your boyfriend/girlfriend.

is it really better?

I don't know, most of the pple around me is attached.
and, I can't help but feel envious of them.
( i sound so deprived here, like i've never gotten into any relationship before lidat..hahahha, don worry im not desperate for any, its just a passing thought)

Really, i am envious. i am envious they are able to feel loved, taken care of, that their other half will "Joei, please help me take care of her.", "Joei, i want u to make sure shes home safely.". "Joei, keep a lookout on her, don let her be alone." or stuffs like dat. so loved and fortunate.

:( how come i don have one..

BUT, on second thoughts,
if my other half REALLY says such "__(fren's name)__, please take care of Joei." , i probably will quarrel with him till i die. cos i don really like to trouble my frens. imagine how dreary it is to receive such msg, (im not referring to MYSELF feeling dreary receiving such msg, im fine with it, but i don like my friends receiving it, its.. very.. i dunno how to say also..)

Irony right?
I am so contradicting myself. First im ENVIOUS of pple receiving such treatment, and secondly I DO NOT LIKE receiving such treatments.

Am i mad or mad?

Its been a long time since I've really really been single. Like single, single. Meaning, im not in love with anyone AT ALL. like no silent love, no loving your ex-boyfriend still kinda thing. This is one of the few times in my life i've really REALLY been single. Without any flings, affairs, etc. Its a very clearly stated, Joei-is-single thing. I tell myself I'm happy, I can do without guys, YA OBVIOUSLY, WHICH GIRLS CANNOT DO WITHOUT GUYS?!??!! (ok some girls can't, i noe im definitely not those loserish girls)

BUT, am I really happy? I don't know. Maybe I'll feel happier loving someone. Right? Like when Purani asked, "Would you rather have loved and be hurt, or to never love at all?" My immediate response was "TO LOVE AND BE HURT.", she then ask me to think very carefully again. Then i thought again carefully. The reason why i said TO LOVE AND BE HURT so readily and easily was because, I've never felt the kinda "hurt" from a heartbreak for a long long time.

(ok the last time my heart died was, Dec 2oo6. )

thats a long long time ago. I had a phobia of love then. I felt that love was a morbid issue. During the time when me & Eric broke up, I WAS CRAZY. i dare not LEAVE my house. I DARE NOT GO ANYWHERE ALONE. i was terrified of seeing couples, i was scared to be reminded of any memories. thinking back, i was dumb. DUMB.

There are so many fishes in the sea, so many trees in the forest, so many birds in the sky, so many pads in the supermarket, so many earthworms in the soil, so many fur on a hamster, so many hair on a human's head, so many ants when theres a sweet, so many sand in the desert (ok im straying away).

WHY LIMIT YOUR CHOICES?
WHY STAY TO ONE?

When Melanie said "My definition of love then was having 2/3/4/5/6 boyfriends, now my definition of love is.. having you. Just you."
OMG. when i read it, I was dumbfounded.
I am very proud of her for this, but at the same time,
I can't help but feel shes becoming one of the loserish girls.
(no dont worry darling, u are the exception k, u are never loserish, just an example. *biasness runs in us*)

Ok back to topic.
Now I am envious of pple being in love with pple.
I think being able to love someone silently is bliss.
Don't you think?
When me & gheeting used to go gaga over 2 guys from our sch,
namely Elvin & ZX respectively.
as much as we were hurt (and how we claimed we will LOVE them forever)
Crap.
we were happy. Right?
Gheeting, YES ANOT?!
her answer is yes cos we always talk bout it.
We were so retardedly happy even though it was unrequited love.
how dumb but surprisingly sweet.

You know whats sad?
Those days will never come again.

You know whats sad?
I feel I'll never be able to fall in love again.

Falling in love is said to be a beautiful process,
why is it so stained to me? why?!

For now, I love only Sweet Kacang & Stripey.
My babies and my darlings, always.